It's Ben's 19th birthday today, and on that basis it's probably the last birthday I'll mention for him. He's well and truly moved on from childhood birthdays now.
At the same time I'm still feeling fall-out from last night. We were involved in an Alpha group up until Christmas, and we were to also to continue with the follow through group doing the journeys material. I'd managed to convince myself before we started that this material was different from the Journeys stuff I was aware of: unfortunately I was mistaken. To me it's crude and brutal tugging of the heart strings. I disliked it before Sarah died and my feelings haven't changed.
And it seems to work fine for other people.
But up until now there's been a burning anger inside from the stuff we watched last night. It's not an anger with anyone, but just an anger at all the emotions raked back out, all the wounds reopened and the deep wells of unhappiness re-tapped. Typing this may help damp things down a bit, and I'm sure given time I'll settle back down. This just really did not help right now - at least as far as I can see.
Now I'm sat here wondering if I should press on with it anyway, confronting all those feelings. What's the point of being a Christian if all you can do is let your feelings dictate what you can and can't do?
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