17 years ago Chris was in a lot of pain, struggling to get our daughter into the world. It’s hard to think of that time and the years in between without the tiniest sense of bitterness. God’s been good to us, and children are a gift that we steward, but there is a sense of loss that is STILL there. Maybe it’s just following human thinking, and I need to give her up, but stepping back and trying to view things dispassionately only works so far.
What do we do?
You can’t forget someone existed. We’re not going to pretend it’s all fine now and we’ve forgotten. Going back to work and trying to get my head down and get on feels like a pretence sometimes, like I’m doing things that aren’t real and have no value.
Do I care really. Having a birthday recently was bizarre – in some ways it’s fun, but on another level I both want all the toys I can get yet don’t really want any of it. Seems pointless.
Enough rambling crap, I’ve got work to do.