We've started using a new place to meet as a church, and I'm really struggling with it.
The room is claustrophobic, stuffy, smelly and to me, oppressive. Acoustically it's as dead as a very dull thing indeed, and I really struggle meeting there. Curiously, the majority of peoole feel fine about it, especially compared to the previous hall (painted dark blue, large children's paintings on the wall) which many found too dark. To say I hate the room is too strong a word, but intense dislike is no exaggeration.
Musically it's very hard for me to enter worship. Everything feels wrong and I can't hear myself properly.
On top of that our 'worship' times are rather sharply truncated on a Sunday. I know why, and there's a good reason, but it also frustrates me. But there are times it is better to say 'Yes' than dissent and discourage, even if you don't agree.
All this is contributing to my feelings of unsettledness.
Life is never going to be the same again for us. I don't think we really expect it to be, but there's a degree of wishful-thinking, a laziness and desire to get back to where we were comfy. Sarah's death has changed everything, including the way we parent. I can't believe we'll stay as we are much longer, but what we'll become I don't know yet.
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