Chris and I were discussing this last night. We've both felt guilty at times because we're not devastated, not living up to people's expectations; worried that people will think we're cold and un-feeling.
Quite a few years back we had talked with a good friend about a period she went through with her daughter. The daughter had anorexia, and was in a serious condition. At the time, both her church and and a wider number of people had been praying for the daughter, that she would survive and recover. The daughter was aware that all this prayer was happening, but was not in a good place with God and didn't want Him 'interfering' in her life.
Despite being seriously ill, she was still able to move around and look after herself. As I understand it, she then said to God "if you're there, show me what I'd be like if you weren't helping and people weren't praying". The following day she couldn't get out of bed and was very unwell indeed. (If either of you are reading and I've got it wrong, feel free to correct me).
It feels like that's how it is for us. We're still being carried through people's prayers and the grace of God. There are still times when we want to hide away or feel really sad, but the devastating, tearing grief that some people experience has never landed, and for that we're really grateful. If all the prayer were to stop overnight I think we'd just crash and burn right now. But I know that there are lots of people out there who've been praying for us and are still holding us up.
I know it's God's power, but to those who come before the throne for us - thank you.
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