Lunchtime stuff

I think both Chris and I are feeling a bit like certain foundations have been swept away under our feet without us noticing, except at times of stress.

We had that occasion a couple of months ago when Ben went ‘missing’ without letting us know where he was. I’ve always had faith that God would look after my family, yet that trust and assurance has just evaporated: it’s there in my head but not my heart. Now there’s the issue with Julie. My peace has gone over things like this.

There’s never been a question about whether God has a right over our lives – whether we recognise it or not. The bit I struggle with is my perception of capriciousness – it doesn’t square with the God I know.

Now I can get intellectual and start analysing. Is it my perception that’s wrong, my theology, my assumptions about reality? Is it just that I still only see the local picture, and after nearly 30 years, still don’t have a wider perspective than what’s making me feel happy or sad? Probably.

Maybe when you’re young death is something you move on from. Maybe at mid-40s you’re in the middle, rather than at the new end.

Pox knows what it’s like to be 70, waiting to die?