Wednesday 3 May 2006

I had a dream

but not Martin Luther King style.

Dreamt I was in America, trying to get into a building with a colleague. We eventually got keys and entered, then went through it checking for people. Heard a child screaming and quickly located them in a locked room, which I broke the door down to get in. I can still remember what the child looked like, even now picturing them clearly in my mind.

They were next to the body of my wife.

I don't remember her being cold or anything. All I remember is wondering whether to pray for her to come back to life or not, then giving assisted breathing and cardiac massage while asking the colleague to get an ambulance.

I woke up around this time, about 5.30am. Right through until I got out of bed, kept thinking that I must keep breathing for her, must keep massaging the heart. 4 breathes, 10 compressions, 4 breaths, 10 compressions, 4 breathes, 10 compressions etc. I didn't see myself doing them very much, only thinking that I must keep them going. This feeling kept with me all the remaining time I was in bed sensing her next to me, and even while I got up and went for my shower. The reverberations of those feelings are with me even as I type this in the office at work.

I've never know a dream to cling like this, with the emotions being carried into 'waking' time for so long. I cycled in, hoping the exercise would dislodge the feelings, but they're still floating there in the background. In a minute I'll go get dressed ino work clothes.

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