How we approach living.

I've been reading one of Fernando's latest posts and it's made me realise what a relatively un-intellectual life I live. While I take in many different stimuli, little seems to actually spark sufficient interest to make me really want to *think* about stuff. Other than amplifier designs and guitars right now.

How tedious?

I just feel tired most of the time. I've more work than I can do, although it's been that way for so long now that I can't remember the last time I actually felt it was worth the effort of really cracking on in order to finish everything. A lot of the time the temptation to run away and hide is nearly overwhelming, but there's a family to feed and mortgage to pay, so hey ho.

There are good times too.

Part of the struggle is that I'm an all or nothing person. There's no such thing as 'working through steadily'. I want to run continuously or else it's so boring that finding the energy is almost impossible. Anger used to be a great way to really drive things forward - the angrier I got with work, the harder I'd press on, the more I'd focus and the faster tasks could be completed.

The first 4 or 5 days of a holiday were 'interesting' as you can imagine, with the stimulus suddenly withdrawn. Wonder what living like that did to my body?

So I don't live like that anymore, but generating drive is difficult. New things can help, and provided they catch the imagination can generate some energy. But if they fail to stick then they're just another thing in the way to get through. I also get bored extremely fast, which doesn't help, although it has helped me learn to tolerate boredom a lot better.

Anyway, tonight is a beautiful evening here, after all the rain. Wish I could go out on the bike with Ben, but Tesco calls instead. TTFN.