More thoughts

Quite a long time ago I read 'Stranger in a strange land' by Robert Heinlein.

The story centres around someone brought up from infancy by martians, then discovered by a later expedition and returned to earth. It's trying to present a messianic message, and is all wrapped up in RH's sexual fantasies. However a nugget that has stayed with me is a quick cameo of the martian's attitude. They plan to destroy the earth in the name of art and then spend the next several millenia creating poetry to mourn for it's loss.

There are times I feel distinctly like that. I can look at something, feel the tearing need, watch while it isn't met and see the situation fall apart. Afterward I can wring my mental hands in regret that nothing was done and rationalise why it wouldn't have worked anyway.

I like my comfy home, having time to surf, build guitar amps, be lazy. I have become thing thing I fought not to be in my 20s, to at least a limited degree. There is an expectation of what I might do in the distant future, but not here, not now. It's like I'm treading water while the family grows, but the current is also rising, and staying still is becoming harder. Should I keep swimming or do I need to learn to walk on the wet stuff?