I'm comin' home

The flight is at 4ish, so I should leave here around 1.15pm to 1.30pm.

Had a good, if slightly curious time last night. Curious because of the context. I was invited along with some of the other people here back for dinner at someone's house. They also had some relatives staying and we all sat outside while the sun went down, eating and talking and generally having a good time. Now it was known that I played guitar and had bought a couple while here, and so the lady of the house offered to let me strum hers. On taking it frrom the case (everyone was outside) they were then all called in 'while Toni plays minstrel'. I explained that I might not be able to play stuff they knew because I usually played in church, at which point some people started naming songs from church, including stuff I knew.

So anyway, I ended up playing a bunch of worship stuff, but feeling slightly uncomfy. The people couldn't have been nicer, and it wasn't anything they did, but it was because there were some there that I suspected strongly didn't really feel the same way, so I was just playing instead of relaxing into worship (what I wanted to do). Half of me wanted to make it like when we get together from the church, half of me was saying "just entertain". I had to fight the temptation to shut my eyes and just float off in the Spirit. The hold up was, as much as anything, my self-consciouness and vulnerability. I didn't want to appear 'kooky' or religious, and to lay myself open for mocking, but I also didn't want to embarass those that were not Christians. Maybe it says more about how I value myself?

It is certainly making me rethink what is needed for worship to happen.