Reverend Albert Baldwin Fox

Not a name many will recognise. I've just come back from his funeral.

Chris has been in contact with an elderly couple in the village for the last couple of years. Turned out that they were Christians, and had a strong and well developed faith. Albert was quite a bit older than Rita, and his health failed over the last year or so, with him finally dying last week.

The funeral was held in the Anglican church in Somerton, although Albert had been a congregational minister. There was something strikingly English about the service: Norman stone church, lots of old guys in suits with runny noses, The vicar wereing robes, watery sunlight filtering through showing everyone's breath steaming. Then there were the hymns.

Albert served God in his generation.

Loneliness, solitude and people

Randall posted this thread about loneliness and solitude from Nouwen. My initial reaction was "that's not how it is" but I had to dig harder for the WHY?

To me, loneliness isn't an internal factor to be fought - much more it's something induced by outside factors. I can be 'alone' and enjoy the company. I can be in a room full of people, all talking eagerly, yet feel isolated and bored. Feelings of loneliness are not natural to me, but instead, rather like a poor man in suburbia, it feels like I need a big house and shiny car. Where there are people around me, all talking together I can feel quite cut off. I'd much rather be home alone with myself, or meeting people this way, on a web forum. Loneliness isn't a product of being alone - it's a product to having a door of friendship shut in my face. Apparent rejection is the key.

There are some subtle reasons. I don't hear well, thus situations where there is much background noise, I can barely catch a word. It also seems that my ability to handle different pronunciations isn't very good, and it can take a few moments for my head to work through to the intended meaning. But mostly I just find it difficult to talk where things are really noisy, and that often means that traditional situations to enjoy company - clubs, bars, parties - all become stressful and depressing.

Soooo.... You're welcome to come over for a chat. Provided I can understand you ;-)

This'n'that

Yesterday was Ben's 17th Birthday. He doesn't read this, so I didn't make a big fuss over it.

Another year and he'll probably leave home to go to Uni. I an still remember, not exactly as yesterday, but certainly like it was last year, the blood and pain that brought him forth. Now he's fractionally taller than me, although still only 2/3 the weight. I've watched him grow, and I have to say that I'm generally pleased with what I see. God's grace has been at work for us.

And in a couple of months I think he'll be baptised.



There's also a pic I just have to publish:



She's only playing an A chord, but you can just see those hands moving into a fret-shredding blur at any moment. I took this yesterday evening. It's amazing how taking the time to show her a few chords created a lot of pleasure and bonding for both of us.

I also posted this up on Harmony-central. Bear in mind that Sarah is 15, she's already virtually had a marriage proposal, LOL. Can't wait to get her playing in worship with me (and Ben too, but he seems much less fussed about it).

Don't eat them!

I was given some Mattehez 'Fine French Fancy Truffles' as the tin describes them, for Christmas. They look good and taste lovely.

They also contain serious amounts of cocoa, to which Chris is sensitive.

We didn't think.

She had 2.

This morning was not good. Raging migraine, sickness, shivering and just total unwell feelings :( I think she's getting better now, and is sleeping it off in a darkened room. We first noticed this about 2 years ago with 'Green and Black' chocolate, made with 70% cocoa solids, where a single square the night before would produce a moderate migraine the following day. This is logarithmically worse. I don't think we'll be having much chocolate round here in future.

Edit - Chris is much better today. There's a certain wariness, but basically she's alright now.

Just eaten a serious meal.

Here.

We had a rather delayed Christmas lunch (actually 2 years worth) at Le Manoir. It's not a restaurant so much as an experience. Most astonishing is how the portions of food (with long breaks between) are so apparently tiny, yet you feel as though you've eaten so much. This is my second visit, and I doubt I will ever eat anywhere better in my lifetime.

Now home to frozen and oven cooked 'kievs' (chopped and shaped chicken surrounding some kind of artificial garlic sauce) and floppy pasta.

;)

What does revival mean to you?

I posted this question on a christian forum last night. Those from the United States of America were under the impression it was a series of meetings designed to gee up the people. The rest of the world (that's Fern - see blogroll) had a slightly different take, that might have involved God.

That's not to say the guys from the US aren't born again. However I think the culture there mitigates strongly against the idea that God might move strongly and in a manner that they can't control.

Some times you wonder about the nonnies.....

That they may have been watching too many hammer house of horror films.

There is a group in Oxford that are investigating the link between 'religion' and reduced perception of pain. So the idea is that we look at a crucifix and suddenly it hurts less? Did someone ever fail to understand the connection between faith and the power of God?

Boozing and the bible.

I've been discussing a number of things over at the Christian musician's forum, and one of the issues that seems to have caused the most arguements since the US election is the consumption of alcohol by christians. As a teenager (below the legal drinking age!) I can remember being convicted to give up alcohol, however once I was over 18 it became a non-issue, and I felt released to enjoy a drink.

However, since it's a big deal to many of these guys, and not wishing to be insensitive to the Holy spirit (if He's using them to make me re-think) I've been reading around the area. On CMF one of the guys posted a link to this page. I felt free to disregard it because both the science and theology seemed to have been carefully sourced and re-interpreted to match an opinion. So out with the concordance.

Basically working through all the references to 'wine' this morning in my NIV study bible, the whole emphasis was that over-indulgence was a problem. Wine gets mentioned a number of times in a positive context that acknowledged the effects of alcohol. The most curious of these is at the end of Proverbs (a proverb of Lemuel) where kings are forbidden to have wine (so they don't forget they need to uphold the law) but the poor and those in distress should be GIVEN wine to forget their circumstances!

It seemed to me that to suggest wine was expressly forbidden would be to interpret these scriptures through a specific position, rather than trying to see what they really meant then and might mean for us now. If I had time and inclination I'd write it up in a bible study. But frankly, I don't see the point, and life is too short.....

BTW I have to say that the attitude of those that posted condemning alcohol was so rude and at times petty and childish that it was very difficult to even consider their opinions might even be valid. Mind you, I may have been guilty of similar bad behaviour on forums at times :( It does strike me as odd that someone should try to persuade another Christian of something you feel deeply by abusing them. But hey ho, different cultures.

Any thoughts?

What some people must have been thinking?

I'm getting VERY fed up with blogger. I just wrote a post, and it just lost the lot changing page views.

I had been writing about a bizarre new musical that's arriving in Oxford shortly: Debbie does Dallas. There is an obvious transition between pron movie and stage musical, isn't there?

I've just added

A couple of extra links. You may or may not wish to follow them.

So...... Where's the party?

Here, that's where it was.

I'd planned to do a webcam thing like Randall, but ended up having to go back to work for a few hours (and later today too) because my cells had grown way too fast, and would die if they were left.

A few days ago I spent a evening ringing through the entire church phone directory plus a few friends, and about half of them came. This was both nice and fortunate: nice because it's great when the body gets together and fortunate because our house bordered on the 'sardine' side. I'm sure it's no smaller than it used to be, but I also seem to remember getting a lot more bods in here 10 years ago.

Still, cozy is good. Most people seemed to enjoy themselves and we saw the new year in together. I'm pretty bushed now: Chris was tired so I sent her to bed, then cleared up (mostly). I wonder whether I've found all the hidden glasses and cans that people hide, expecting to come back for them? They usually appear over the next week or so after things like this, as furniture gets moved.

Sooooo. Happy new year to you all.

We survived

a visit from the putative outlaws.

Sarah's boyfriend's parents came over this evening with the whole family for dinner. I *think* they had a good time: certainly there was much mutual appreciate spoken out.

Actually it wasn't bad - both sides are learning what the other is like, and they seem basically decent people, the kind of family you'd hope your kids would marry into (if you leave God out of the equation). Loving, warm, friendly, caring. If Dan came to know Jesus that would ice the cake nicely. I can see the 2 of them marrying and I'm not at all unhappy with that, except I just wish Dan were saved for both their sakes.

Parenting: who'd do it?

Great day.

And you know what made it? A call from Randall.

I was asleep in the livingroom with Chris's parents after dinner when the phone went. Leapt up, gabbed it as fast as I could in the hope of them not jumping too much and said in a sleepy voice

"Toni Ertl"

"Hi, this is Randall Friesen" came from the receiver.

Never would have expected it, but it made the day for me I think. It was enough to make me almost instantly wake up.

Randall - Thankyou. I hope you had a great day in Saskatoon.

Thank you everyone that prayed

Sarah was virtually recovered this evening, and we were able to all get together.



From the left, that's my brother Peter, Ben, my mother, Alison (Pete's wife) Sarah and Andy (P&A's son). That's everyone except Chris and myself.

Once again, thank you, and thanks to God for being gracious to enable us to get together.

Please pray for us this W/E

Sorry to have to ask this way.

My mother is on drugs that suppress her immune system, and mustn't be brought into contact with sick people. She's due to come over tomorrow afternoon to spend Christmas with us.

As of this afternoon Sarah has been throwing up (last occasion was about 10 mins ago). Seems she caught this from her boyfriend, who had it a few days ago.

So - looks like I need a healthy daughter and a bit of a miracle for her to be OK in tyhe morning, and my mum not to catch it while (if?) she comes.

Anyone good at the bended knee stuff? It feels like a cheek to ask, but who knows? God is gracious.

Thanks everyone.

Happy Christ-mas everyone.

Breaking all my 'rules' I gave in to the family and did the tree this morning.











We're off to the carol service this afternoon (what I guess some would call a 'seeker sensitive' meeting) so no guitar playing required. Poor Chris is having to make mince pies, having promised to do it and then forgotten until about 1.00pm.

p.s. may take more pics after dark.

Today

We went out for a bit.




And this afternoon we stayed in.




The rest of the time I seemed to be driving people everywhere.

BTW the tee shirt says "real men don't waste their hormones growing hair" :D

Satisfaction

Is something I feel after I've finished servicing one of our cars.

It's a task I've been putting off since the spring (naughty naughty). Despite only taking just over an hour, because of all the grovelling on the floor and getting coated with very black, sticky oil, I'm slightly reluctant. Now the job is done, and I feel both relieved and slightly more righteous that I did a little while ago.

I'm not going to think about how many miles that poor little diesel has done since the last one.


On a different note, I'm going to try to get the rest of the holiday pictures up soon. It had become one more burden, and so got laid aside when I didn't have the energy or enthusiasm.

Quite a lot of thoughts.....

but not much time.

I'm quite busy here, and also finding the immediacy of forums tending to draw me when I do have time to post. Plus blogger has been very slow recently, to the point of frustration when trying to log in. I may be shallow these days, but it doesn't seem worth the wait - like being on dialup again.

I was quite taken with a thread over at 'eagle and child' about language and swearing. If I get time later I'll post a little more thats been running through my head - the thread is also getting a little 'mature' now, and I suspect any comments I add will disappear into the morass.

I wonder if?

I wonder if Randall managed to arouse Lauralee last night. I think we should be told, as caring and concerned adults. Come on, tell us man. We need FACTS!

;-)

More thoughts on tradition

We visited my mother at the weekend. Unfortunately I didn't have all that much time with her, but we did discuss the retreat she'd been on.

My mother changed churches about 18 months ago, moving from a fairly loud mixed culture charismatic church to an evangelical anglican one. The move wasn't because of the style of meetings or anything to do with the actual church itself - only that she couldn't cope with the sheer volume of a Sunday morning meeting. The new church is also quite un-anglican, and more like the previous one in terms of attitude, however being mostly white and with a more formal background it is somewhat quieter. As an anglican church they make only the barest nod to the formal liturgy.

Last week she went away on a retreat to a place called Burrswood which is essentially anglican. She's been there previously and benefitted from their healthcare and advice, however this time she went with a friend (the wife of an anglican priest) and for rest/spiritual refreshment reasons rather than medical restoration. The friend wanted to follow the pattern determined for the retreat, and therefore my mother tagged along for each of the 'services' they held. The first of these was a standard formal service, everything done from the book, a mumbled message etc, however the second was managed by a guest speaker who was inspiring and made the service come alive. The 3rd and 4th meetings were just like the first, with even less life (if that were possible).

Back to the point of the title. My mother has never been one to put down tradition, having grown up in formal meetings. However her conclusion was that liturgy applied like this was more likely to kill spiritual life rather than encourage it. I was more than a little surprised to here this, however her concern was that with a liturgy those leading could simply rely on on the form of words and order of service. Even though they may be good (and some of the words ARE very good indeed) without the Spirit of God being involved in the meeting you might as well not bother.

Exactly what I've been trying to say here.

Blobby blobby blobby.

Is how I feel.

182lb (13 stone in olde English, 81Kg in foreign) for 5'10".

It's the heaviest I've ever been and I'm not happy about it, but I like my food, and I'm not getting enough exercise.

Back on the bike to ride to work this morning. I really need to get out and do some bigger rides. Mar 2003 I did a 100Km off roader round the chilterns, and darned knackering it was too. The way I am this morning 10K would be hard.

I really find there's a trade-off between my fitness level and how well I work here though. The fitter I am, the more stupid my brain is, and the less mentally agile I become. Concentration just dances around, and it's nearly impossible to focus firmly on anything. Trying to hold a meaningful conversation with people I don't know is also really hard; the brain stays blank when it should be finding new threads for exploration. I come across as stupid and slow, which is half right in these circumstances.

The other side of losing fitness from a peak is depression. If I get fit, then stop I get dark, dark mood swings. It's not as bad as it used to be, but then I'm not super-fit like I was when I raced as a teenager. I stopped cycling for a while at 16 and and came pretty close to suicide, although it was a good opportunity for God to break in. Probably would have done if He hadn't.

Another dilemma then: fat and unwell or slim, stupid and moody?

Which would you choose?

Cream-crackered!

I've been doing a production process this week that involves lots of standing up and walking short distances, repeating 600+ times. This morning we pouched the product into moisture proof pouches using a heat sealing tool that requires squeezing hard. I now have sore knees, stiff legs, sore and uncomfy hands and a headache from the drone of the dehumidifier.

Bushed, and not dubyah either.

Sorry I've not been around much. The bog was less of a conversation (with the exception of a Randall and Linea) and more me writing things as they popped into my head. I've been having more conversations elsewhere recently, and in turn this has meant I've had less to put on the blog. Or maybe I just need time off again?

Until 3 days ago

This kitchen was relatively clean, warm and comfy.



It will be again, hopefully by the weekend. The guys *should* be finished this afternoon, but who knows? I hope so, because the weather is due to change tonight, and become cold.

Madness and dirt here

This week we're having the water jacket replaced in our rayburn (oil fired kitchen range that heats the house). Everywhere is sooty and the living room is full of the stuff from the kitchen and hall. What was mooted as a two, possibly one day job that should have been done in June/July has turned into a 3 day (so far) job in mid November. By the grace of God it isn't especially cold at least: 10'C - almost a summer's day in Prince Albert ;)

I may take some 'during and after' pics if I can find the energy and enthusiasm. Poor Chris has a rotten cold, and has been scrubbing the floor on her hands and knees this evening. I just feel bushed and lethargic, courtesy of a busy day at work and circuit training this evening.

Cycled to work this morning

for the second day in a row. It was colder and clear this time, rather than overcast and damp like yesterday, yet I'm significantly warmer - perspiring even, when this time yesterday I was quite comfy. Maybe things are loosening up, after a few weeks off the bike. I certainly pushed a higher gear most of the way here. My legs felt happier, but my bottom didn't approve of the saddle and the arches in my feet (alweays a weak point) complained bitterly too. They'll complain even more tonight - I've got circuits again, and they get very upset doing that!

A passion for the King

was the title given for Sunday - a whole day together with all the Oxfordshire community churches at the King's centre in Oxford.

The thrust was all about having such a passion and what to do with it. Things started with worship before moving into a kind of illustrated message. Then there were seminars before and after lunch, rounding off with a worship time at the end.

Chris and I went to seperate seminars, since we have different interests: she was certainly inspired by what she heard. For me it was a time of stimulation and reviewing things. It's hard to hear new teaching when you've been involved in the church for a long time, yet things can be explained in a way that you haven't understood before. I went to a seminar on 'crossing cultures'. I've been talking a little more about our possible calling to Italy (still not sure why some people laugh - unless they think it's all sunny beaches, vineyards and pasta - the cruelest empire that ever arose came from Italy). Afterward we spoke with Alec and Pauline Watts - a couple in their 60s that are about to move to Estonia to either support an existing church or plant a new one. Chris says she has faith for us moving as big as a 1cm gap between her fingers. It's interesting how this is unfolding - I felt God first speak about this one rain-drenched afternoon in Harrowgate about 5 years ago. I doubt it will happen for at least another 5 years, maybe more.

Funny stories abounded too. There's a couple - Neil and Dee - that we know reasonably well (I used to work with Dee) who recently returned from 2 years at Montargis in France. Neil was saying how the French consider the English hypocrites because they are too nice to speak the truth. He started to disagree after he'd been told his French was bad 3 times in 2 days (harsh, since Neil grew up speaking French in Belgium). Also how everyone is scared to invite people round for dinner because everything must be PERFECT. You have to have the right cutlery, correct wines, and the courses in the right order. And the ordeer for the courses varies according to which region of France you or your guests are from. Apparently this is a major source of fear, and many people won't have dinner guests because it would be too embarassing to make a mistake. Makes me glad to live in England sometimes.

In the afternoon I went to the songwriting workshop. Another area I need to re-start in my life. I know there's stuff bubbling under the surface, but there are issues I struggle with (particularly my poor singing). Again, it was good to have things put into a fresh perspective. Also interesting to hear from some people. One of the guys - Andy Neave - has been a pro musician for 20 years, working as a musician who is a christian i.e. writing music for secular use. He was suggesting now is a bad time to try to get signed with a big label, but it's a good time to start out independantly.

All this self sacrifice etc was interesting in view of what was in this mornings papers - someone committing suicide by placing their car on a railway line. Although they died, 7 others did also. The contrast between those that would give up their lives for others and those that don't care how many they hurt has seldom been made more plain to me.

Chris's mum.

Thanks to everyone who's prayed.

Chris's mum has been re-diagnosed as having low blood pressure. That may explain why she fell over whenever she got out of bed, although whenever checked at the hospital her BP was normal.

I'm not completely convinced, but the attacks seem to have stopped so I'll go with it for now.

Never thought I'd see the day.

when I could no longer see a point in debate with other christians. That time has come.

Never thought I'd see the day.

When I really couldn't feel united with other Christians.

There's a forum I'll not name, with some great brothers there. And there are some that belong to their country and party first and Jesus second. There are worse things they could support, I guess, but it's a deeply frightening thing to behold. It's the same kind of faith that would enable deeply committed catholics to burn protestants at the stake, and (I'm being generous here) enable Martin Luther to murder anabaptists.

Time to move on, before I say something I'll regret.