Monday, 3 November 2008

Living life on the edge.

Now doesn't that sound brave?

Doesn't that sound corny?

Yes to both.

Reality is altogether more mundane, as is normal with human things. We're living life on the edge of our health and energy, and that's enormously un-exciting. Saturday was great for me, with lots of energy and finding stimulation on the Pastoral Training Course. Saturday night was OK, but Sunday.....

Blech.

I was just desperately tired by the meeting in the afternoon, and all I really wanted to do was hide. Slightly funny actually, because I was leading worship, not that I 'lead' very much, but it didn't seem to matter much. Just read over on Mikey's blog about how they had a spontaneous song. Well, we seemed to have a spontaneous meeting, where, as we were starting I was asked "can you do one song before the word, then we'll worship afterward?".

Fine. I was barely in control anyway, so that really caused few problems, and meant I couldn't abdicate responsibility to the set list.

Now I'm wittering - a sure sign of no energy.

Basically we're coping, but only just. Now if we weren't ill we'd cope better etc etc, but maybe we're unwell because we're just running in 10% overload. We have both realised that we NEED to start withdrawing officially, and although circumstances have rearranged themselves to reduce our actual commitments, it's still all a bit much. I wonder if just having *responsibility* for things creates its own burden that draws out energy.

Tomorrow night we've got a church meeting at which we should be officially telling the church we're moving on - it's already been talked about, blogged about and is no secret - and that we expect to be putting stuff down. The thing is too, when you're THERE the situation is often unchanged. The young guitarists coming up through the church won't really get to PLAY until I move away and stop playing. So I need to get out of their way too, and give them space.

We have also been part of HPC for >5 months now, and are starting to wonder if our 1 year transition was too long. It felt right at the time, and I still feel it's right on some levels, but from this stage in the process seems too slow.

What to do? What to do? It's tricky getting it right, and there IS a tearing in separating from family, even if by only a small distance.

Also, we don't want to *leave* the family, so much as go out as part of it, almost like missionaries. This is interesting times we walk through.

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