Friday, 22 December 2006

The Uxbridge English dictionary

Humour courtesy of my friends at the UK's second most popular secret forum.

Sex - bags used for delivering coal in Knightsbridge
Psycological - makes sense on a bike
Physiological - Makes more sense with Ginger Ale added.
Jocular - scottish vampire
Spatula - vampire phlegm
Sanctity - French woman with five breasts
dumping - sound windows makes to tell you something has happened to stop you doing what you want to
Soaring - the result of too much fibre in one's diet
Bedecked - An insect that's just lost a boxing match
Farting - (Irish Colloquial) it's a long way away
Sickness - a poorly aquatic monster from Scotland
Agitater - shaking a spud
Commentator - any potato other than a King Edward
Crimea - location of an illegal activity
Crimea river - title of jason timberlake song
catastrophe - a prize for the best looking feline backside
Dogma - female canine parent
Glottal Stop - well used tube station near Bow
Full stop - overcrowded station
Oyster - Someone prone to using phrases in Yiddish
Radar - Raymond's Irish father
Extending - paying alimony
Extension - Relaxed
Thinking - skinny monarch
Conference - A meeting for those who wear fake fur
Confluence - A meeting of ill criminals
Pushkin - relatives of a cat belonging to Sean Connery
Scarf - eating in Knightsbridge
Crepe suzette - instruction for daughters potty training
Creche - A car accident in Kensington
Quiche - a snog with Sean Connery
Innuendo - an Italian prophylactic
Radiation - Familiar noun for Raymond, the Chinese gentleman
Polemic - An east-european living in Ireland
Peerage: being immensly angry with ones colleagues/contemporaries
Galling - being French
Bladder - an inflatable snake
Titilate - delayed female puberty
Stagnation - A country full of people chained to lamposts with 'L' plates round their necks and their trousers round their ankles
Shambles - Sean Connery's favourite summer footwear
Fluctuations - swearing at Japanese folk
Blackberrying - the act of negro interment
Contraband - A US funded, counter revolutionary orchestra
Sushi - Take up court proceedings against your wife
Beatitude - an ill tempered insect
Disappear - insult a member of the house of lords
Pianoforte - Shipping and Hotel company
Bogus - fake snot
Capsize - usually about 7 5/8, but a bit smaller just after a haircut
Feckless: An Irishman with a swearing deficiency
Arsenic - Get it slightly wrong when climbing over a barbed wire fence
Distinguish - put out a fire with swearing
Exhale - one who used to be hearty
Rubbish - similar to a small massage
Cap Gemini - to shoot your twin
Judgemental - a normal state of affairs at the high court
Underwhelming - middle class village in Buckinghamshire

If you don't get any of them, please don't ask for an explanation.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Play nice - I will delete anything I don't want associated with this blog and I will delete anonymous comments.