Schizophrenia?

I seem to be caught schizophrenically between a rock and a hard place.

In my years of working in this area I have developed into 2 separate Toni’s.

Number 1 is Dr. Research mode: fast, messy and creative. I can run large multivariate experiments using lots of variables, all in an untidy and cluttered environment, and with great speed and accuracy.

Number 2 is Mr. GMP mode: careful, tidy and methodical. I perform line clearance before starting, proceed carefully through a detailed method following every step and only do one single operation at a time.

Like I said – schizophrenic – these 2 ways of working are poles apart, quite contradictory and very highly incompatible.


My present job increasingly needs me to marry these 2 sides of my work ‘character’.

We are literally starting to validate a new product (beginning next week). Validation requires time, materials, resources. I have *some* of all of them, but not enough. Validation also requires things to be worked through in a very precise and careful, painstaking fashion to be meaningful. However the truth of it is that we’ve had the product to actually work with from the lab that did feasibility since the end of Jan this year, and there’s only been time for a single shot at making it into a form that can be put in a box and sold to the outside world, and it’s not 100% solid. Yet.

Now the No.1 side of me says “oh heck, just re-formulate – it’ll be fine – you KNOW what works”. The other side of me is saying “ but you haven’t tested THAT formulation, and you don’t even know how many kits you’ll need for sample value studies, or how you’re going to calibrate the standards that you haven’t made yet”.


The danger is that when I do this schizo thing, my brain just shuts down and says ‘go play – you’re bored here and should find something else to do’.


I really need to find the middle ground – where I can develop and move forward fast, while providing all the evidence and supporting data needed to let the product go forward. My tendency is to slide off into one side or the other, usually the Dr. Research mode because that’s more fun and gets things done MUCH faster.


Fortunately a little adrenaline goes a long way. It’s amazing how you can force yourself to write a document when you REALLY have to. I’ve given up living off stress and anger (want to be really productive – learn how to focus anger) as it spills over into home life. But sometimes one just needs to kick ones own butt a little, and I guess that’s what I’m trying to do now.



Wrote this yesterday while at work. I really could do with spending my weekend writing documents, but instead I'm going to work in the garden and have church here in our house tomorrow.