There are odd emotions

.......that surround you when you're trying to sort stuff for someone and their time is nearly there. The problem is, there's no way to tell how long someone has.

This afternoon I cancelled the special bath (side door, lowering equipment) Chris's mum was due to have fitted. The bit I struggle with is that in cancelling, it's like saying openly "you aren't going to come home again", almost like condemning someone to death. That ISN'T the case, but even now I'm thinking 'suppose we've got it wrong: what if she comes out in a week or 2?".

And when someone is clearly not having a good time, it's really hard not to think "wouldn't they be better off just getting a quick bout of pneumonia"? But that's really not helpful either - it's still conceivable (to me, at least) that she might pull through and have another year or so - people sometimes do that.

This is a messy time.