Posting is a little difficult today.

There seem to be so many things happening. The attempted bombings in London, a warm 'debate' about worship at the Eagle and child, memories coming back from a trip to Bicester this lunchtime.

I'll leave today as a quiet day.

Starting to wonder?

Should I start a chat room for ex-Marlborough Girls and a certain Mr. Hazell to engage in dubious conversations?

Nah - I'll keep it here, where I can keep an eye on things.

Speed cameras

might actually be causing accidents.

From my own observation, it's not speed that kills, provided it's in an appropriate place. Much more, it's lack of either concentration or ability with occasionally an un-predictable hazard that does it. People need speed limits to use as a guide for how fast they should go, quite reasonably, especially for 'enthusiastic' drivers, but they shouldn't be the main index of safety.

So it's no real surprise that the distraction of a speed camera, together with a number of people panicking and slowing excessively, cause more accidents rather than less.

How much are mood and concentration linked to diet?

I had lunch around 12.15

By 1.00pm I was feeling confused, down and couldn't remember a thing.

By 1.30 my head was clearing again.

Weird.

This has been noticed before. There seems to be a link between intake and cranial activity. We discussed that a little here. For some it seems that there is a certain sleepiness that prevails around lunchtime. I get that too, but in this instance all I really wanted to do was hide from work, disappear to the lab and hold my head in my hands for a bit.

It's odd the way things have gone. I've always been a little absent minded, but since Sarah's death, my mind won't hold useful facts, just free-wheeling through time and space. Re-focussing can be done, but is usually brief and un-satisfactory.

Daft old git.

Is what I'm becoming.

Just came across the world's best emoticon

For when you've been banging on about something way too long, and everyone's given up except you.



Well - it worked for me.

And talking of beating deceased quadrupeds (family equus) we're wondering about maybe doing something social 'round here soon, depending. Rachel, Kita, Liv - anyone up for it?

Some of us never stop being teenagers

I just suppress it for a while, during which time the outside has tried to convince the inside that it's wrong.

It doesn't work.

Pooh, yuk!

Sat down at the PC this evening and wondered what the smell was?

Looked under the desk - there was a bloated, discoloured looking mouse, feet pointing skyward.

:(

Anybody want a cat - free to any other home (well, it would be if I had my way).

Off to the outlaws this morning

Chris's mum's birthday last week.

See (some) of you in church this afternoon, and at Poundon this evening.

Au revoir.

I'm very glad you're all here

but it was easier in the 'old days' if I wanted to post my feelings.

We've always been honest and open - everything posted here has been real. But there are many things that can't be said to protect individuals (or protect us from the wrath of individuals :-)

So I am careful what I write.

Tonight I'm feeling down - weary of the bucket being half empty and there being a downside to every positive outcome. I'll bounce back (typing about it seems to help, strangely) - I have to. And I've got a worship team practice tomorrow that I need to be prepared for.

Maybe I'll start an anonymous blog somewhere that I can publish my secret, most unseemly and slanderous thoughts to..... Or maybe I won't.

Thanks for (not) listening.

Is this a dog-house I see before me?

Just spent the evening swapping pickups in my Dean V.

HAD to try it out.

After Chris had gone to bed.

Not very cool.

My little valve amp doesn't really sound decent until it's wound up a bit.

Double not cool.

And I didn't hear her until she got downstairs.

:-(



Thank goodness for forgiveness.

8¬)

I'm sitting here gently stiffening.

It has NOTHING to do with the 'other use' of the internet, and is the result of Catriona's fartlek training this evening.

Nice evening out there, though.

Thanks for your time tonight, C.

Today is different.

I’m fasting the internet at work today.

Been spending too much time on the net: get home, open a browser and that’s it for the evening, despite occasionally planning to do other stuff. I’m not going to ‘bad’ sites, but too much time is being invested in being entertained.

There’s a flip side too.

I’m part of several online communities. Last night we were discussing (amongst other things) that a person’s community has changed from being those living in the same village to those one talks with. Communication is the driving force behind relationships, rather than proximity. People talk about things they’re interested in, and by talking develop friendship (or enmity, sometimes).

I’ve just thought: it would be interesting to hear who Jesus would use to illustrate the good Samaritan to the online community?

So the time spent isn’t all wasted. We’ve made some great friends online, although I often wonder if we’d feel the same about each other in meatspace. Actually, calling it meatspace is a fallacy – there is only one reality, and it’s all here and now. I guess this form of communication is really the modern version of penfriends (sounds SOOO unexciting put like that) so there’s a strong historical precedent for it to work.


BTW I’m typing this in ‘word’ for upload this evening.

Not Good

Chris writes,

Today I woke up thinking of Sarah.

Today I feel angry.

Today I don't feel in the least accepting of God's will.

Today it just feels so unfair.


I guess it just shows that the normal grieving process has resumed. I know feeling this way is 'normal' but that doesn't help much.


Chris

Went to London yesterday.

I can confirm it's still there.

Overall a good weekend, if a little busy.

As we didn't have a church meeting this week (the church was involved with the Bicester carnival) we took the opportunity to go and spend some time with my mother. She is no longer a well woman, and there's no way of knowing whether we'll have her company for another decade or another year. Knowing this, it seems best to make the most of every opportunity.

London was a little quieter than usual, but not enormously so. This morning on the radio, one of the presenters discussed how everything was quiet in Covent Gardent and at the West End theatre she attended. That may have been so, but traffic was just as heavy overall as usual - took an hour and 25 min to get from Crystal Palace to the A40 at White city, which is pretty typical.


Saturday we went punting in Cambridge with Pete and Alison - my brother and his wife. Popped over there on motorcycles (that was half the fun of it) and then played dodge 'em boats up the backs. Thanks you two - it was a good day out.

Where are we now?

Well, the crisis of the last 2 weeks is over, sorted and done from our end. We've breathed a sigh of relief and seem to be getting back to normal.

Normal for where we were, that is.

Both of us are catching up on missing Sarah again. We're not going all suddenly weepy or anything like that, so don't worry. But in the shower this morning it all came back again. Face in car. Face at morgue. Getting her out of bed. The last time shopping for breakfast at Tesco. Cool, soft fingers holding my hand from the rear seat while driving.

Life continues.

We have a visitor here at work.

Someone was watching a trailer for 'Fantastic Four' in their lunchbreak.

We'd all been talking about the events in London this morning. The visitor then noticed the video clip playing and suddenly exclaimed aloud "Oh my goodness - look how far he jumped".

There was a brief interlude during which a certain amount of re-orientation was experienced, LOL.

Tears of relief in the office

London has been hit by a series of terrorist bombs this morning. Fortunately someone's husband went in early, and missed it all.

Morning fresh air

There's a smell that's familiar to me - I smelt it this morning between the car and the lab. Anyone that's camped in the UK and been up before the sun brings it's warmth to bear.

The smell of cold damp countryside.
Randall prompted this thought.

It's not often

I quote bible verses on here, but today I feel I should.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 (New International Version)

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. Do everything in love.

And

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 (New International Version)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Just felt like those were dropped into my 'lap' this morning. Seemed quite appropriate considering everything that's been going on here recently. I'd like to think we will have grown through this time.

The incredible and amazing grace of God

Once again in a desperate situation He came through for us. We know we don't deserve it, but regardless, He's not let us down. I can't describe our feelings right now, but gratitude is certainly one of them.

Dang'd PCs

I've just had to deal with a DELL PC that died as a direct result of Windows XP automatic update - it appeared to kill the hard drive. This was the 4th machine I'd heard this happen to, and discussing on the CM forum, it appears this is quite common. If you're lucky you can wipe the HDD and start again.

If you're lucky.

Matt wasn't. One new drive later, and we still can't restore the PC. Fortunately everything's backed up, but it's inconvenient.

The PC was going to be recovered remotely on Friday night, but that also went wrong. Just as a 'thought experiment' I tried to boot the machine into Knoppix from a CD. If you've never tried Knoppix, it's a 'live' version of Linux that comes on a bootable CD - pop the disc in the drive, boot from it and hey presto, in just a couple of mins you've a fully working PC that doesn't touch the HDD unless you tell it to. You can also recover data from un-bootable drives, as long as they can be read. However 20 mins later it's still loading. Hmmm.

Tried the Knoppix boot on another identical machine, but with less memory (256Mb vs 1024Mb). Took about 1 1/2 min to boot and worked perfectly. Double Hmmm.

Grabbed the PC, whipped out a memory module (down to 512Mb) and slap the knoppix CD back in. Presto, one live PC. Slapped the recovery disc in and it booted and loaded the recovery OS with no trouble.

Now I'm really puzzled. There's no reason for the memory issues. It was all good quality - Kingston, rather than some el bujeeto stuff - and the MOBO is capable of handling that much. So this begs the question, can Windows update damage hardware like memory modules? The machine had been a little slow before the upgrade, but was apparently fine after. I can see no reasonable way that software should be able to damage memory (HDDs are different, presumably the firmware controller gets corrupted) but RAM?

Weird.

Wow, what a night!

Chris writes,
Last night we attended 'Sarah's Concert', a memorial concert for Sarah put on by the students of Marlborough School.

It was fantastic!

The students organised it themselves with help from two teachers, Claire McCourt & Kate Calnan, and together they did a wonderful job.

There were pianists, soloists, duets & groups. There was a poem & a bible reading. There was even a dancer and some of the female staff sang too. Content varied from 'Amazing Grace' to 'Stairway to Heaven' & just about everything in between.

Abi Spiller sang the song she'd written in memory of Sarah, & I doubt if there was a dry eye in the house.

Such amazing talent from so many young people.

Toni played with a group of friends from church plus Dan's dad, Dave, on drums. They played 'Give Thanks to the Lord' and 'Blessed Be Your Name'. Everyone got involved, standing up & clapping, it was just a shame we hadn't thought to have the words available as I think people would have joined in. (I was singing along of course. The headmistress urged me to go up on stage but I wouldn't inflict my amplified voice on anyone!)

But in the end the show was totally stolen by our very own Queen, played hilariously by three of the teachers, Tony Buckmaster, Julian Easterbrook & Dowie (or is that Douwey?) Holly. Not the most talented (!!!) of the evenings performances, but certainly the funniest. We were all on our feet, singing along, clapping & waving our arms in the air in true Queen style. They had to do it twice of course. Sarah would have loved it! (She would also have made a few comments about jean clad rear ends - if any of you three are reading this you should be blushing)

(Whoops! Perhaps as a parent I'm not meant to say things like that about the teachers!...Oh well!)

Finally the headmistress, Julie Fenn, said some very kind words about Toni & I, & presented me with a beautiful bunch of flowers, & us with a professionally recorded copy of the song Abi wrote.

At this point I must just say that anything that she, or anyone else, has seen in us to impress them just recently is simply a refection of our great God. It is his 'Amazing Grace', that has helped us to cope, & I guess that it is times of testing like this that reveal where your foundations lay. Our's are in God & he hasn't failed us. Anyone reading this who doesn't already know that for themselves should try Him out, He won't fail you either!

OK, preach over! Thanks again to everyone who took part last night (not forgetting those behind the scenes). I hope knowing Sarah & sharing with us in this time of grief will enrich all your lives in some way for ever.

Chris

Thank you everyone

For the brilliant time we had this evening.

We really enjoyed it, even the emotional moments. You are all a most generous and talented bunch.

Thank you all.

Trying to contact me by email?

I'll be working in the lab quite a bit, but will check back every now and then.

I could get to like the Belgians.

About time someone remembered that Europeans can have a culture too.

Decisions, decisions.

Well, I'm sat here surrounded by kit.

I've just dug most of my kit out, played it, and now can't decide what to use tomorrow.

First I tried the Bluesbuster, swapping valves around until I came back to my favourite for dirty tones - a 6CA7 output valve. 6V6GTs work best for clean, but this gives a warmer, fatter but very direct sounding drive, run at slightly lower gain and lower cathode voltage.

Adding my old Guyatone overdrive pedal pushed the sounds over into hard rock territory, but was a bit too gritty for some things. It worked well with the Heritage, but made me want to play the rythm parts too fast. The strat didn't really have the power to push it hard enough, and the tele didn't hit that tonal spot quite right either. Out with the Dean V, neck PU and it's singing, but with more control and less 'mad rocker' than the Heritage.

A quick swap round (having driven Chris from the room with the noise - she hates me fiddling about with overdriven guitars) and I've got the AXL amp + Korg processor running. The tones are much less direct here, but warmer, fatter and softer-edged. A little boxy, due to the 8" speaker, but without the really bright highs of the greenback in the bluesbuster. Again the Dean sounds great - sweet and fat. The heritage is a little too soft and fat on bridge and too bright with both. The Strat does better, but then I remember another old friend. Out comes the Washburn - the PUs on this are the Gibson 496/500T pairing, and the output is HUGE. This thing is an overdrive monster, pushing the normally gritty Korg patch into serious distortion.

Hmm, tempting.

I'm just not sure.

2 very black guitars could be too much, even for Nigel Tufnel.

It will probably be the Dean V, the Heritage Les Paul and the Strat as backup. May well put both amps in too, using the AXL/Korg for the jazz band and the BluesBuster + overdrive for the other slot.

Now to go clean some fingerboards and strings.


p.s. need to go finding some tunes on the net. Thanks, Meg, for the heads-up on the jazz band.

Another quiet day

Too much to do.

Not much to say.

Actually

Today all I want to do is run and hide.

Four million dollars down the drain

When good people go bad.

It doesn't make the grace and gift of God any less, but it does make me wonder why he gave the gifts in the first place. It's really sad when those who should know better, don't.

On so many levels.

The more things change....

.......the more they remain the same.


Last night I collected Ben from a party. On arrival I found the way in full of large, swearing, drunken individuals, all trying to look threatening. Turned out someone had been rude to someone’s girlfriend, so that someone had responded with a shove. So the first someone went to get his mates to ‘bury’ the second someone.

As a kid in the 60s I enjoyed reading about Andy Capp: a little cameo of life ‘oop nawth’, although much of it could have been applied anywhere in the UK.

The relevance? Many hark back to the ‘good old days’ when people were respectful and polite. Andy Capp was a guy we were supposed to like, except that he’d happily knock his wife about, get drunk, go fighting and enjoyed being an un-employed layabout in the classic style.

History teaches us......


Rant over