Is it dangerous to sit & think?

I have a gap between customer jobs right now and the pressure is off in one sense, but I’m sat here thinking about things, peering out of the window from this office.

There’s a large tree about 150 feet away, and the leaves are like a yellow and green froth, while in the middle is a dark, strong and branching trunk that looks a little like a person with arms upraised, supporting all the foliage. Sometimes the stuff around me is just a passing blur, and sometimes I can stop, look, see and then become filled with the love of how things look as a desire to photograph it for others to see too. Yesterday I had to return a shower cubicle to a place near Manchester, and drove back over the Derbyshire dales through a rain storm – quite lovely, and with lighting to live for.

I’m thinking about a replacement camera. The Fuji that was bought for the trip to Africa was good for snaps and the long lens was a powerful tool for creativity, but the actual image quality was a disappointment and a step back from the Samsung S850 compact I’ve had for so long. Subtle colours were great – brilliant even – but noise was always intrusive, even at the lowest ISO setting, and focussing often hit and miss.

The Fuji was sold last week – for 7 months use and more than 5000 frames, the hit we took wasn’t too bad, at less than 2p an image. So this time it will be a DSLR type (as it should have been back then). I have a bunch of lenses left over from my 35mm days that will fit a Sony Alpha series body, so I can do the ‘instant outfit’ thing without huge outlay. The question is now down to whether to buy an older pro-level body or an enthusiast level new design. An older body would have a lower performance sensor, lack of live control of exposure and composition and high weight, but in the case of the A700 I tried, a fantastic viewfinder, better control possibilities, metal chassis and weather sealing. A new hobbyist design would have lower noise sensor (a usable ISO 6400 is promised) live view with articulating rear screen and light weight. And it would be new and come with a couple of years warranty, which isn’t trivial.

So far the idea of going new is winning, but I’m remembering the superb viewfinder on the A700 I handled yesterday.

And I’m wondering about the church, where we go next, what the pressure points will be, what I should be talking about, how we can draw people together and build them up. Some aspects have been fantastic, with a real sense of God at work in us, but other areas have robbed me of my joy, life and hope. It seems no matter how good things are, there’s always a source that will attempt to bring discord and dissention.

I’m really aware that the thing we lack most right now are those who really have a heart to share the gospel, a real heart for the lost. We have a lot of shepherdy people who care about others to varying degrees, but not enough with a burning desire to really tell the world the good news of Jesus. It worries me that it makes us unbalanced and slightly disabled, to use the church-as-body metaphor.

And the other things I feel need teaching about are worship and accountability: how to worship together as a church and how to be accountable to each other (there may need to be some ‘why be accountable’ too). The Church of England is actually pretty good on accountability compared to many evangelicals, having a very clear structure of authority, though it looks *to me* like a terribly complicated system. It doesn’t always trickle down to the grass roots however, so we’ll see on that.

I see accountability as something the person giving an account does voluntarily, rather than being enforced and directed from on high. It usually only becomes necessary to start questioning from a position of authority when people don’t make themselves personally accountable and insist on doing stuff their own way. If they aren’t willing to be accountable in their own local church and to that leadership then they need to move to one where they will be accountable –maverick behaviour is always destructive sooner or later.

And to answer the original question, yes, probably.

I worry sometimes that my inherent quirkiness, awkwardness, inclination to want to hide and to keep silent get in the way. There’s almost always a battle between what I’m called to do and when my nature would have me do – actually that’s true in so many areas – and at times the difficult or unhelpful bits of ‘me’ take over. Guess I should be grateful that I could never be a superstar in the church, with a dozen cars, personal jet, couple of homes and a small retinue that ‘look after’ me at all times. :D