Book choice and strange ideas

This may have been mentioned before, but when ever I start the Kobo software on a computer, one of the suggested book choices is Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. The information given when you hover over the cover suggests that the reader may be too nice, and that men want a strong woman who will stand up for herself.

Nuts, really.

I’d say that men want quite a variety of things in a woman, but neither mindless fawning nor a headstrong ‘bitch’ are going to actually work out well for more than a very small minority with skewed tastes (read mental/social health issues). I’ve known one woman who told me that men liked being given a hard time, but I’m pretty sure that was all about justifying some of her own behavioural issues than observing a positive response in those she dealt with - it may be easy to mistake tolerance and love from a partner for positive acceptance for those with this type of personality flaw.

From this perspective of more than 30 years marriage, having deliberately tried to break stereotypes in the beginning, I’d suggest that most healthy individuals want partnership with an equal, but one who puts the relationship before their own specific wants. I’ve seen a few marriages fail too, and generally that’s been where one or both halves have put their wants (not usually needs) above the level of the relationship.

I’m also reminded of Janet Street-Porter, that model of demureness and timidity (tongue in cheek) who loves marriage, having been married so many times. I’ve no idea whether her on-screen persona is a reflection of who she is off-camera (seems pretty likely though) but it strikes me that while the ‘bitch’ persona may be able to rapidly start relationships, she will kill them pretty darn quickly too.

Anyway, that’s enough coffee-break psychology for one morning.