I am a miserable, if somewhat self-controled b*st*rd.

People seem to keep posting little quips here and there about grand children, daughters etc etc. All perfectly reasonable, but it's just hard sometimes not to post something sarky, cutting or just plain miserable.

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I wrote this yesterday, having had a difficult week: stressed by interaction with a customer, by the need to organise certain things in the church, certain things at home, by my own wishes and desires, struggles and weaknesses. And there are simply times when my buttons are being pushed and knowing the truth of it doesn't stop the feelings flapping around, even though one understands why they are.

This morning we talked through flights for our trip to Zimbabwe next year. It's a major commitment to us because that is *it* for a normal holiday, and neither of us really see it as a holiday in the usual sense of the word. And we're hesitant because it means relying on other people for everything while we're there, and rightly or wrongly, we view Zim as a hostile place. But it feels like the thing we *should* be doing. At least there's a bit of faith in there too!

And just now I've ordered a program of work to be started on my behalf, that might finally allow me to create the assay I was going to make 2 years ago. I'll be late to the market, but pretty sure there's space for at least a couple of players. Sending this order off has created a sense of release, though it's hard to say why, other than it's a decision point passed. I like doing the assay development work, and I've been really grateful for the income, but we really need products out there that will sell to generate a future and stability for the business.

And possibly a chance to employ other people. Now that's a scary thought.

Back on theme, I've also managed to order the Christmas presents that need ordering, and *hopefully* I'll remember to send the emails I need to when I get home tonight to arrange availability of equipment for Sunday evening.

Sunday evening - now that's another hurdle.

We're hosting a Christmas meal for the people of Heyford Park. The ordinary people as well as the church people. It's not huge, but it's not tiny either, and in the end it's my responsibility to make sure we have enough food, that it won't give people food poisoning, that they can sit and that we have carols etc. I'm really grateful to the guys helping (some may not know it yet) and especially to my friend Enrico Ramaglia who is sorting the majority of the cooking.

That's one event where I WILL breath a sigh of relief when it's over.