I'm planning to preach on intimacy this coming Sunday.
We have a book that's been laying around for some time by Tom Tenney called Experiencing His Presence (devotions for God catchers) and I thought I'd have a quick browse through to see if there was anything that might be interesting or helpful. There were some bits and pieces, but with it there came a whole constructed viewpoint, intended to be helpful, certainly, but pretty much man-made as far as I could see, that was all about locking ones thinking into a particular paradigm.
With the preaching course we did there were a whole bunch of books referred to, and for the assignments (that I have not done - possibly never will?) there was a requirement for perspectives to be taken and argued, all referring back to these books. That's all fine, since one needs a perspective to argue from, if one is to argue.
There's a phrase that annoys intensely (because it's a pompous way of speaking) but which also fits the situation: to have one's opinion informed by this or that person.
Where is this going?
The more 'stuff' that is cluttering up my mind, the more constructs I create for me to follow, the more one-way streets put in place to ensure I have 'right thinking' the more distant and less meaningful seems God and my relationship with Him. Should I try to hear what He's saying to my Spirit-man first, or do I need to claim the blood of Jesus before I can enter His presence, and if I do that, am I standing in the full armour of God, and shouldn't I call Him 'daddy' because that's what Abba means etc etc etc.
The God I know is there when I'm sat on the loo, he's there when I make love to my wife (do we think He waits without seeing us, knowing when we're done and it's safe to look again?)and He's there then I'm surfing the internet late at night. I don't need all the 'stuff' to be able to come before Him and I don't have to wear strange clothes and follow curious rituals (which are really all for people's benefit anyway) that tick all the right boxes, as though we were summoning a spirit by some dark art instead of meeting with the omnipresent God.
So I really struggle with all the books that are churned out in their thousands, year after year, all full of ideas, philosophies, opinions and constructions, each one making the author a little or sometimes a lot of money.
Now I appreciate that I am a naturally minimalist person in my approach to God. My concept of a perfect church space is the opposite of some - I would prefer a simple, empty room, walls painted a light neutral colour with just enough furnishings to facilitate people being present for several hours. Take all the 'stuff' away so that I can just meet with God and God as He is instead of how I've been told He is to be.
Of course for some, the idea of meeting God without stuff is more like hell (to loosely quote a friend).
But the point is that I just want to know Him, to be close and to hear Him for myself. And that's where I struggle with all the carefully learned junk we keep producing. Sure, if a paradigm works for you then it's likely that it will work for a few others too, but it just feels sometimes like a ceaseless flood of clever ideas instead, always being re-invented, instead of just trying to help people reconnect to God first and foremost and worrying about the technique afterward.
One of the things that prompted this was a 'conversation' (it felt more like a trial) on Diaspora. The person I was trying to talk to seemed to see all kinds of extra things in the words I used, as though there was a whole other conversation going on that I couldn't hear. I wonder if this is how it is with God sometimes, we bring all the stuff that's been patterned onto us and the conversation goes something like:
God "Hi Toni."
Me "Oh great and mighty father, how great is your grace. I will come before you with thanksgiving and enter your courts with praise, as your word says we should do."
God "How do you feel this morning?"
Me "Loving heavenly father, you made the sun to shine on men so that they might have joy in their hearts at the start of a new day. Your rod and your staff comfort me so I have peace."
God "Looks like it's nice and warm this morning."
Me "Thank you, Jesus, that I can bask in the warmth of your love, the radiance of your grace to me etc etc"
This is one of the reasons why I generally avoid Christian books these days. It's not that I'm some kind of hippy, trying to get 'back to nature' so much as I want God as He is, without the add-on bits. Yes, I might develop a deeper theological understanding of various points if I read a never-ending stream of books, but I also have an expectation that my theology will deepen as I spent time with Him and read the bible anyway.
Guess this is the fundamentalist in me coming out.