We went to see a very good friend and his wife get set aside for eldership this evening. We've walked with these people a long time, seen their struggles, weaknesses, tragedies, joys, happiness and laughter. Steve Thomas, who is also a good friend (though I know him considerably less well than I should like) brought the word tonight, and in amongst it all (and there were lots of good things in the 'all') was this scripture (Prov. 13v12).
This landed very squarely for me.
A little while back I was being prayed for by a couple and one of them said to me "your heart is hard" to which I replied "is it?" knowing in all humility that it wasn't, and that I was trying so hard to submit I was practically laying on my back with my legs in the air. I think what was intended was this: that my heart was growing heavy with disappointment at expectations unfulfilled and hopes seeming increasingly distant.
The key part of this for me was the need to return to Jesus to have my heart refilled and hope restored. Instead I've been focussing on the issues of where we are and the issues around that, rather than finding ways to worship and express my love and thankfulness to God. If we were chained up in jail, God's grace would be there for us. When we just feel chained up in a place we're not happy about theres a great deal less grace available - seems maybe we do still have quite a bit to learn. It doesn't make the situation any more satisfactory, but it does make it theoretically possible for us to walk through this time with better hearts.
And I must remember this for those times when I am much less aware of God speaking and His Spirit moving.
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