I know Ben is my son

He's always been good at the coordination of speed, personal trajectory and handling the vectors of other objects. Put him on ice skates, skis, a bike etc and he acquits himself well.

But that wasn't what I meant.

When he started to learn to drive he'd already been beating me at the driving games on computer. He knew how cars worked, what the clutch did and how to change gear. At least, in his head. However when we went for our first 'driving lesson' it wasn't quite like that, and at the end of it he admitted it was harder than he'd expected.

And it seems this is the case for me with preaching.

I've had presentation skills courses, spoken occasionally at scientific meetings, presented research findings at director level, yet actually preaching - standing in front of a church and speaking - is different from these.

Back in the dima nd distant past I remember as a new Christian at 16, freshly baptised in the Holy Spirit talking about prophesy with the pastor of the baptist church we went to. He didn't deny that prophesy still happened, but suggested it came through preaching and sermons 'these days'. Of course all I 'heard' from the pulpit was safe, sound and uninspiring stuff from a gentle older man trying to bring encouragement to a difficult, disparate and increasingly fractious congregation.

On Saturday we went to see one of our God daughter's graduate after a year in bible school (KBCTC Oxford) and one of their number spoke. She had a reputation for always bursting into tears when talking publicly, and this piqued my curiosity because I've been finding increasingly the same thing. The point for me is that speaking has become a fairly intense spiritual experience, with emotions often flapping in the breeze, simply from the sheer power of the words I'm reading from scripure.

On Sunday I was talking about Satan's treatment of Job, and the sheer brutality almost completely choked me up. In fact there were several points where it became difficult to speak, and I've found this previously too. It isn't just the hard times either - sometimes the amazing grace of God is almost overwhelming to the point where it's hard to talk over the top of the incredible emotions that want to burst out.

The thing that makes this funny is that when preparing and thinking about what to say, I can hear my voice coolly delivering various lines, nicely under control and with just the right inflection to carry the point. Reality is a little more ragged.

Ben has turned into a highly skilled driver, although he overcooks it a little often for comfort: but that's all part of being young. I wonder if my progress in preaching will be like that - I certainly hope so, and that I'll not keep bumping along the bottom.