well should I stay or should I go?
There's been a trend recently within the church, now that change has really arrived, of people being able to give up/put down things they've been doing, and I've been trying to see what this means for me. There are murmurings in the background of some stuff that very nearly did go in my own life, but just as I'd walked away it seemed to get dumped back on me, and rightly or wrong it seemed that I needed to carry it for the time being - and still am, though there's a sense that it's temporary now, and doesn't either sit or fit well any more. But this is a time of transition, so we'll see what happens. I've a feeling that as a result of some of the above there's more things coming along to pick up, rather than put down.
If I stay there will be trouble, but if I go it will be double.
It's an interesting place to be, in this church that is re-defining it's leadership and leaders. God HAS spoken words of encouragement, of moving forwards, of doing good things. The danger is, of course, relying on feelings so that one is up sometimes and down sometimes. The truth is that as a community we are in a place of incredible opportunity, if only we can overcome the mountain of hurts, habits and stuff we've told ourselves that we must conform to because that's how it's always been done. And I'm including myself in this. Several times I've had to stop myself both thinking and writing about the problems and less desirable aspects of legacy and refocus on the way ahead and all the good things that have been built. It's not *really* that hard, but we all like to look back and whine instead of looking ahead and shouldering the load.
So darlin' let me know, should I stay or should I go?
I also have feeling of things that are coming along that need to be taken up. There's already been a clear word about not doing things myself (thanks Liz - if you ever read this) and a sense of what's needed. At the same time there's a certain reluctance on a number of levels, great feelings of inadequacy and a sense of missing/messing up so that God can't use me that way after all. We'll have to see.
It's also important to remember there's a war on.